Friday, October 1, 2010

the shape of things...........

As most of you know my amazing only brother passed away this month .

he was AN AMERICAN DREAM story

we were brought up modest , by a jewelry packer and a tool maker who LOVED BEING AMERICAN , when I visited portugal when I was a kid , I once asked my mom "don't you miss this paradise, its beautiful " she said " yes I miss it and its beautiful, But the USA is home." I knew she meant it , we were constantly told to study hard and give thanks to GOD for living in this country,
and my Brother one day came home to ask dad to sign for him to be able to join the USAF a 17 , he had gone right after graduation and since his birthday was aug 4 he was not 18 for 3 more months, .....he couldn't wait to join, and stayed for 34 years, ending with being an aircraft inspector . I took the other American road in college I became a history nerd , spending weekends going to historical sites, amazing how much history was within footsteps of my home.

The day of the funeral I went back to my parents home and grabbed my Camera I walked the yard and it seemed smaller somehow , so many new trees I remember where all the tall apple trees were when I was younger, I made sure to touch the stone indian wall like I did when I was a girl, I still making way under the grape vines to that wall to see what the squeaky sound was, and getting there to see 4 kittens meowing their little new born meows,

I laughed till I cried in this yard, and cried till I collapsed in this yard, I found myself wiping tears away that day that seemed to have no beginning and no end. I thought of my husband so far away in colorado waiting for me to call and tell him it was fine.


I thought about the new men in my life Davin my husband and Dillon my Son, and how much I love them and how amazing that even though they can never be my father or brother GOD had given so much ......I had a wonderful father for 18 short years I knew him and it was great! and God left an amazing brother who I wish we had seen more of each other But a sister makes the choices sometimes that breaks her heart but brings peace to many more.

and now I have the sweetest little boy and a great man who is not perfect by any means BUT strong and worth forgiving .

my mother joined me outside after a bit and we enjoyed talking about all the herbs and all the trees.

such a peaceful evening after a heartbreaking day, I snapped away at trees I loved and missed and flowers and grass .as
if to capture them not only for a GREAT picture but a peace that can be taken everywhere I go and still feel the love of home. home

I snapped away at trees I loved and missed and flowers and grass .as
if to capture them not only for a GREAT picture but a peace that can be taken everywhere I go and still feel the love of home. home.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Hello FALL !!!!!!!!!! I have missed you so MUCH!

If you know me well YOU know I LOVE everything AUTUMN , E-V-E-R-Y THING !!
I am always on high alert for Fall inspired colors ON Any thing

curtains,dishes, bowls, paint

Its been a hard month, September is one of those months I rather NOT be a part of , iots a month filled with sad memories and too many anniveraries of loved ones last days on this planet.

After a LONG week in my home state of Massachusetts of mourning and crying I came back to The Mile High city ready to move on , but how ignorant am I to think that a plane ride and different surroundings would take away the HOLE left in my heart.

So I must move on , what choice do I have ? I have 2 beautiful children, and a wonderfully supportive hubby who is trying with all his might to mend my pain.

I awoke yesterday feeling heavy hearted , so sluggish so lost , I did my motherly duties as well as I could and tried to be human BUT the tear fairy came to visit and all I could do was visit with her for a while.

today I am wobbly BUT better , and I do understand this is what will be of my lfe for a while , and everytime I want to call my Brother only his wife and kids will answer and I will have to get use to not being able to talk to HIM. just as I have grown to do with out Daddy.

The leaves are beginning to turn colors and though my heart is healing the colors on the mountains bring me to a place where my soul feels free and lite.

I asked my husband if we could take a road trip this weekened up the "hill" the Rockies are calling me and I want to go visit for a while and pray at their peaks where there is nothing in their way to rushing up to Gods ears.

I began to set my Holloween stuff up.

This year on the day of All souls I will bake and give my creations away to friends in memory of my loved ones ...........

Thursday, August 26, 2010

While you wait..........

What a week , as I try to establish 2 new (old) ventures here in the mile high city, I have reached my body's "final Straw"

I gave up fighting Chronic fatigue and got to know it and about it and how I could make it go away from me for a long while. I have been successful , the problem is many times I am not really working "with it" as i am pretending it is NOT there at all which can work BUT eventually it wins , because you can NEVER FORGET its power and what it will dio to you if you ignore it.

last night I became sadly aware of what will be my next 2 to 3 days as a mom and wife and human , I am having an episode/attack VISIT FROM...."FATIGUE"

my feet are purple my legs are swollen my stomach is bloated and I walk as if I have been thrown around by Transformers !

water ,rest, motrin, Vitamins by the hand fulls and there will be a tear or two , and there will be depression

BUT even though I can not move quickly and with strength, I will not lay in bed even though thats what all DR. recommend , funny those Dr's never tell you who will cook or clean or take care of your kids and house when you feel this way.

I can NOT stay still , it kills me to not be moving , doing SOMETHING.

so I look at what can I do that will be creative, good for me,easy and not take to much stand up time ???

well working on my accessory line can fit those things as well as much needed Dillon time ! I can create while he watches his shows and sit with him , I have many other things THAT are NOT important but need to be attended to .....BUT if I go to teh hospital they will not go away and they will out live me and YOU

so they CAN AND WILL WAIT....

so you see a chronic condition even as stressful and hard as it is to accept , can also be a wake up to embrassing life and enjoying the little things that we tend to skip over as we are trying to win the "RACE" for what exactly?

Friday, May 21, 2010

Pretty Escapes .....

Have you ever been through a cycle of life that seems to be taking forever...but when you look at the calendar you realize time is flying by , its YOU that is a bit stuck....??

Well its my life lately .....a cog or two in my wheel is missing and everytime the rotation comes around to the missing space , I feel overwhelmed trying to move the wheel by hand,

when ever i get bogged down by it all I force myself to remember the joys of "PRETTY" things of long ago and my "conservative" journey of vintage goodies and trinkets.

those who stop in to read my rammblings know I talk about my Great Aunt Belmira (Bella) she was my Dads Aunt , Grandmothers prim and straight laced younger sister.
she was unable to have children and adopted her older sisters youngest daughter, after her sister Mariana died while giving birth to her. Sad story yes, But also a beautiful one .

Aunt Bella married a Wonderful classy gentleman who was as straight laced and proper as they come. And they gave their daughter The world .

her house was a wonderful small little cape cod in Somerset Mass , BUT the treasures were dreamy to a little girl like me , I loved going there . Aunt Bella always had stella doro entertaining cookies and the yummiest "Elephant ears" and the yummiest Hot creamed Tea .

My lovely Cherry antique china Hutch holds many of Aunt Bella's

(Balchka- nicname her hubby gave her) Pretty things

Dishes,pottery ,wind up metal toys. they are some of my most treasured possesions

as I got older I began to be more and more interested in my Grandmothers upbringing
at that time turn of the century , her family was very wealthy and the girls 8 of them !!!
and one Boy ! (can you imagine)

were taught how to keep a home and how to do most things women today Make jokes about NOT having to OR knowing How to DO

I won't hide my feelings .....Women HAVE gotten boring-Lazy a bit ...they don't try to be dainty or sophisticated anymore .everyday I see BEAUTIFUL ravishing women who for some reason rather listen to GAY MEN about how they should dress and do their hair
elegance is looked at as a BIG money ticket item

why try ? when slipping on sweat pants is so easy and ...ewwwwwww SO comfortable

Ohhhhhh I am a victim I too have fallen a bit off the prim and dainty truck...

BUT those who knew me before I took off to be a NOMAD know I loved my fancy fancies my large gawdy sparkly earings my long gowns and high heels .....SO why and where did it all fall away??

and why is it a joke to see pretty heeled princesses clacking by us at the Mall ? why do we snark up and give them a once over in awe and disapproval??

I BELIEVE we want to be pretty WE want the glitz but are to worn out to give the extra UMPH ~!

Has pretty morphed?? has the tattoo & nose/ear/lip/tongue pearcings topped by multi colored hair ...zig zaged extentions WON us over???

am I being harsh in my observation? Or am I just missing a time where feathers ruled and Vanities were NOT an option but a must have in every bedroom .....

for now I Will live through "TURNER MOVIE CLASSICS" and instead of silky satin jammies with matching Robe and amazing slippers ...I'll be the One wearing the Hanes HER WAY sweat pants $2.99 slipper socks from TARGET and my STEAL YOUR FACE tee shirt...BUT as I sit and VEG in the past I will most likely be drinking "red Rose Tea" and you can still find a box of Entertaining mix cookies on a very loved old gold rimmed dessert plate Coutesy of Aunt Belmira in peace pretty little woman and thank you for all the pretty little things....................

Sunday, January 3, 2010


yes Izabel.....

Mama, what is 365 on the shampoo bottle for??

Izzy, its the store product from WHOLE FOODS Market, their brand is 365


Yes Izabel.....

why 365?

365 stands for everyday of the year ......there are 365 days in one year Izabel.

OH..................... wow magical shampoo..........

Magical Izzy????

well 365 is a long time for this bottle to last .........

hmmmmmmmmmm yep magical shampoo............

when you are tired it is sometimes a blessing in answering questions such as the ones become so zombified that what ever makes it end faster is usually the best answer.

BUT after putting my little princess to bed I revisited the conversation again

as I stood in the hot shower..... 365 ...wait 362 today......already 3 days gone by in a new year ......I was all of a sudden transported through 2010 ...

thinking madly of what would 320...OR day 250 or 100 be like what ,when,how who , where, with what ....with whom...for how what cost..

quickly like alice through the rabbit hole I had to come back . as we get older our children IF WE LET THEM will teach us things we had forgotten....time is so LONG and STUFF is so far away.....NOT really but their anticipation is so great and their problems are so small that the trip is amazing and colorful and a big adventure...

as we worry about the electric bill
and the water bill we forgot

and the NEW hole in the almost new sneaker we JUST bought our youngest

we tend to rush through our days ...whats for lunch

whats for dinner

whats for what

....what what what ...all day long whats.weekly whats to ..well you get the picture....

as I stood doing my nightly vigil of scorching hot shower on badly aching legs while staring out the glass wall of the shower at my window.... which during the day holds a view that can make you an enemy to anyone trying to conserve water faces south and the foothills are jagged and black in the distance powdered with snow ....BUT at night all you see if there is a moon is there outline and tiny little colored lights of all the houses from here to there which "THERE" is an hour away...

I started to feel an all too familiar feeling ...I have felt it before many times..its as if GOD himself has placed his hand on my head ,

SOMETHING is coming ........something awesome SOMETHING great!!! what what what ???

WHAT EVER YOU something fun

something cool

something you have never done

eat ..drink..wear..

just go do

DON'T sit and watch that BOX with moving pictures..showing you what others do...

YOU DO !!!

it all comes down to a count down at the end of a December night once again

and what you did

OR didn't

what happened

and didn't

what should have but didn't ... do do do do

AND you will realize how wonderful it will feel

and how MAGICAL a bottle of shampoo can be

365 FUN ...Excitement....just follow the amazing advice......WASH---RINSE---REPEAT